Hi Brooke,

So I work in a company that I love, have a job that is more or less fine to me and usually am very motivated to get everything done at the best possible level because I care about our goals and ideas. Everyone says that I’m the best worker one could ever wish for because I prefer to be thorough and sure in the results I/we (as the company) produce, devoting lots of time to prepare things properly and check the data and be quality-oriented. I am a recovering perfectionist (since I’ve joined your gang). Now striving after following your advice in regard to doing things in a predefined amount of time (though this hardly ever works unfortunately. Still a mystery for me how to apply this one) and at a B minus level. I got significantly better at this and often am able to let the product “go” even if I’m still feeling paranoid about the possibility of missing some mistakes or inconsistencies, but I still don’t understand how can one stick to strict scheduling. I try to be realistic and, at the same time, slightly optimistic (cause otherwise it all won’t physically fit into my calendar) in estimating how much time could one task take. But then, if for ex. I find a mistake in the report that I receive from a project, I need to dig and look for the source of the mistake and it’s nearly impossible to predict how will this go (time-wise). I work in a very high-paced organisation and always have way more work to get done that one can do properly within the regular working hours (it’s a non-profit company and we are a bit understaffed due to that. I’ve tried talking to my boss, they’re sort of trying to improve the situation but I understand that I need to wait at least few months/half a year more for this to happen). I’m trying to get things done asap to relieve myself from the burden and stress of missing the deadlines and I work hard and over lots. Like nights and every other weekend etc. I’ve been doing this for a bit more than a year now pretty much constantly and now I feel drained and exhausted. Even if I would sleep 9 hours during the weekend (I need 8-8.30 minimum to feel good and during the week it’s way less) – I feel tired. I’m constantly getting better at cutting of the over-checking and over-thinking part and just try to get things done as fast as I can now cause otherwise the delays get to unacceptable point but am worried that it will affect the quality. I understand that it’s not only me who is responsible for all this but the company in the first place and if I would want to I could just stand up and go at 5-6 pm, but I can’t, or choosing not to, cause I care (and feel huge pressure that is coming from within, not from the management. I’m thinking that because of us the projects out there won’t get the funding on time and it will cause problems in future and will affect our goals-realisation).
I don’t get enough rest neither in terms of my brain nor physically and seem to have used up my super-hero-worker storage.
I’m in in this vicious circle, holding on until things will get better “soon” (I keep telling this to myself) and don’t know how to get out of it. I want to still care and work/produce lots withing the “normal” working hours (I got way more focused than I was before) but to get up and go after 8-9 hours at work. There are tons of stuff I want to do outside the professional part of my life but I hardly have time or energy to be doing that. Feel incomplete and frustrated and a bit desperate sometimes. Don’t want to quit. And can’t imagine shutting the work off if everything’s “burning” all the time. At the same time I understand that it’s unfair towards me and I might better care a bit more about my own well-being and boundaries. Have troubles identifying how to proceed.
I would enormously appreciate your ideas on improving the work&life balance in such situation. Thank you so very much in advance!