Muscle Building

Dear coach answering this,

I’m in my early 20s. I have struggled in the past with my weight and lost 30 lbs in early highschool, followed by body image disorder and disordered eating. Since listening to Brooke, I have made the decision to never judge my body again, and for a while, I wasn’t. Recently, in quarantine, I have tried intermittent fasting and been also working our regularly and have clearly built muscle. However, I get so very frustrated and disappointed when my thigh and arm muscles build up that some of my old clothes don’t fit anywhere. I love working out and truly enjoy it and in reflection on my skinniest days, I was totally skinny fat and wasn’t eating as healthy and clean as I eat now! How can I eat mindfully and still experience the pleasure of working out without gaining too much muscle that I feel like my purpose is defeated? Actually, as I write this, I’m realizing I probably have underlying thoughts that while working out does make me very happy, I’m also hoping it helps me become even leaner. What do you suggest I do? I’m tired of constantly being frustrated that when I work so hard and build my muscles, I can’t wear my favorite clothing items. Am I doing this wrong? I eat two meals during the day most of the days and eat lots of vegetables and super occasionally any flour and sugary items. Does the fat adaptation and intermittent fasting not work on younger women with different rates of metabolism? Expose my true thoughts and intents for me, please. Tell me the truth. How do you read what I’m saying? Does it sound like there is lingering desire to still lose weight and body judgment?

Thank you!