Hello! I have a parenting question. I have filled out about 25 models with respect to this one issue, but can’t seem to get to the bottom of what I need to do. I think I need someone else’s help to figure out where I am struggling and what needs to change.

If I could start over as a boy mom, I would never allow video games into my house. Nevertheless, about six years ago when we moved into this house, I allowed my kids to start playing at home because many of their peers in our neighborhood also had them. My husband and I both hate how much focus and attention our kids give to them, even forming an identity around them. We have taken month-long breaks, but through those entire months, the kids will constantly be counting down the days till they can play again. My oldest is 11, and I am also afraid that, given the choice, he would choose video games over almost anything else. I fear that it is taking away his drive to excel in sports. I have created some boundaries around the games, which I would say are very “loose” like “you can only play on the weekends.” They seem to do okay with the boundaries, but then when they are allowed to be playing, they will often choose the games over playing outside with friends on a beautiful day, etc. They also regularly push the boundaries.

Here are some of my thoughts about the situation:
I hate video games. I am afraid my kids will not have a drive in life. If I were to take them away completely, my kids would rebel against me and it would backfire. I did not think I would be this type of parent- I am mad at myself for ever allowing them in the first place.

Feelings are: anger, shame, frustration, confusion (about how to handle the kids and video games)

Action: allow them with loose boundaries, sometimes take them away for long breaks

Result: kids keep gravitating towards them and I keep feeling powerless

Thanks in advance for your help!