My 14-Year-Old Daughter Didn’t Want To Hug Me


So, our 14-year-old daughter typically gives my husband and I hugs for the most part. She especially gives them to me when I leave for work.

So, today I was about to leave for work but before I did, my husband and I went through to share what we wanted her to do in order to earn screen time.
We asked her to do her regular chores of unloading the dishwasher, wiping down counters, and cleaning her room. I then went on to tell her goodbye and opened my arms up for a hug, and she just looked at me and said, “No.” I then responded with… “okay,” and went ahead and went to work.

It hurt me… well, my thoughts about it did. I’m trying to determine what those thoughts were and also how to communicate with my daughter about the situation to teach her, but I’m not sure what to teach her exactly as I know actions can’t actually hurt someone else… so what am I teaching exactly?

My thoughts about what she did:
“She’s being emotionally manipulative”
“I’m a parent, and these are the chores she knows are chores and she should still hug me. Chores are a normal part of life.”
“Why is she withholding love? Is this really worth that?”
“She trying to punish me.”
“How do I teach her how to behave properly?”

In hindsight after thinking about it now, she didn’t actually tell me why she didn’t want to hug… I’m just assuming it’s directly linked to the chores since I went to hug her directly after this and she said “no.” I could have come from a place of curiosity to see… and then that would possibly lead to conversation most likely about the fact she thinks she shouldn’t have chores or be told what to do… but I guess I don’t know because I didn’t ask. How do I help her? How do I pinpoint what exactly to teach?

Thanks so much!