My brother died on August 13, suddenly and unexpectedly. Of my 5 siblings, I was closest to him. He had mental health and addiction issues and was shunned by many. I started helping him financially as soon as I became gainfully employed 30 years ago, and I did my best to make sure that he had all of the necessities of life. My husband has an open and generous heart, and together we made a huge place for my brother. My brother vacationed with us often and spent 6-8 weeks with us a couple of times a year (we live 1000 miles away). My brother and I talked on the phone many times each day. He was lonely, and I decided that I would always take his call whenever he rang.

Since his death, I have felt terribly lost. I miss talking to him, and the holidays without him will not be the same. When I work models on his death, they look something like this:

C- Brother died
T – I will never see him again.
F – Sad
A- Cry
R-?

C- Brother died
T – I could have done more to see that he was in crisis and help him
F – Guilty
A- self-flagellate
R -?

Can you suggest how to move forward? I am comfortable grieving, and I know I cannot change the past, although I know that I am arguing with it anyway. My brother suffered a great deal during his life, but met his challenges with grace and perseverance. His death was relatively quick, and he did not suffer long.