So Im finding my way in my relationship with my mom

She is super critical, but also we are super close. I do rely on her and she helps me a lot. Which I deeply appreciate. She is so dedicated and really wants the best for me. Her husband my step dad died and she’s pretty sad and mostly lives thru me and my son and how well or not well she feels we are doing. She worries about me a lot. I’m in-between jobs and its scary and stressfull

I have heard Brooke say we should just accept people as they are and not judge the situation or relationship as wrong….

And it shouldn’t be a different way because it isn’t….

She criticizes my home, my body, my clothes my way of doing or not doing paperwork and more…..

I do want her to be pleased with me and I also want what she wants but her standard feels impossible to attain but I do like striving for it (sounds weird I know)

There is no amount of cleaning or dieting I can do to have my home or body good enough or skinny enough to satisfy her. (This sounds so co dependent and fucked up)

She gets so frustrated when she comes over and sees the lack of perfection and I feel like I want to fix it fix the things that are ‘wrong”,,,, it is frustrating and stressful before she comes over I need to clean and prep and its still never good enough….

Then our visit usually is strained and unpleasant
were both frustrated and disappointed.

She say’s me how much we don’t work well together how my sister in law just handles things the right way and I’m doing it wrong.

My sister in law is on top of everything she is sort of right about that right…..

This came up after I saw Brooke coach that girl this week on her boss that let her go, who is prettier smarter richer thinner (Brooke said so what? what if she is)
well this is my sister in law, she is crushing it in her life, I am not. My mom will compare her strengths to my weakness… doesn’t mean harm but it is quite unpleasant for me.

Im not sure how to handle this….
Is this a boundary thing? An acceptance thing?

boundary
please stop criticizing my body or clothes
Please stop comparing me to how much better my sister in law is…..
Please stop calling me randomly with lists of things I need to do or may not have done

but make lets make a list of your concerns and have a set time to talk about it and put it on there….? This way I’m not answering the phone to get list of problems she reminding me about…..

I want to enjoy my mom again
I want her to enjoy me and our visits

Can you help with how I can better think about this….?

thank you so much