My dad told me years ago (like 40 years ago) that my other two sisters were his favorites. Mean – right? He was angry because I’d joined the Mormon church and my family is Catholic. And even though I’m 60 now – it still bugs me. Not all the time – but when I’m around him. Well – no – it still sits in my subconscious like a thorn. It shouldn’t, I know. But it wiggles at my heart when we’re together and makes me feel, I can see, in many other aspects of my life and relationships – unlovable. And guilty – like I’m a bad daughter for having followed my heart. How can I get past this? Like I’ve tried:
C- My father
T – he doesn’t really like me
F – not as valuable as my sisters
A – I avoid talking to him much
R – self-conscious around him
Thanks. I’ve tried intentional models but when certain interactions come up with him in family gatherings and I can see he enjoys my sisters so much more – it surfaces and I feel bad again so I know I’m not embracing new thoughts – certainly not FEELING better about it. I’d really like to just not think about it.