My daughter is 19 and wants a snake tattoo on her collar bone


My daughter is harsh and critical no matter how supportive I am of her. She has gone through an identity change, from classy to intimidating and rough. Her prom picture is one of my favorites, she looked so classy and beautiful. She has informed me that she is no longer classy. I accepted that and have done, I think, a great job at supporting her new identity as body builder/intimidator. I have bought her work out gear and the food she needs to create muscle. On another note, she crashed her car and her dad wanted to get her a junky car, I disagreed and wanted to put her in another safe car because I thought the first car saved her life. She mildly wrecked her new car, I got her set up to get it fixed, she paid for the repairs. I was even supportive of tattoos until she said that she was going to get a snake on her collar bone, my response to that was then NO TATTOOS until you are old enough to make a better decision. When she pierced her ears, she promised she only wanted two earrings and now she has earrings all over her ears. I felt the tattoo thing would get out of control like the earrings and her decisions at 19 would affect her life forever in getting a job among other things. My husband had long hair at 19, I was wearing terrible clothes at 19, neither of us are those people any longer. I pointed that out to her, she says she has to make her own mistakes.

C- My daughter and I got in a fight about tattoos
T- She is making a bad decision. It’s my job to steer her in the right direction. I have always been about health, safety, and setting my kids up for success. Letting her get a snake tattoo on her collar bone is not a good idea!
F- grief and sadness
A- I give in, it’s her life, her body she can do what she wants and tattoo herself from head to toe!
R – I distance myself from her, I am angry and sad

Intentional
C- My daughter and I get in a fight over tattoos
T-
F-
A-
R-

I have no idea how to fill out the rest of this model. I am so filled with grief over our relationship. I fear that I will cry every time I see the tattoo of a snake on her collar bone. My feeling on tattoos is that they are fine in places that they can be covered up should you need to do so for a job or any other reason. I think it’s a bad idea to do something like this that will put you in a position of jeopardizing your future success. I don’t want to pay for her college if she is going to ruin her chances of a career with such a bad decision.

Please help me with the model so I can get to a place of acceptance. Thank you!