My Doll House


I have been a scholar for 11 months and achieved zero success in terms of actual results.
My husband, who is the breadwinner of the house, gave me an ultimatum and said I have exactly until the end of 2018 to show some serious results (weight loss, stop overspending, and complete my first novel) or else he is canceling the membership.
He is very blunt and he said I have been using this membership like masturbating with a doll house of thoughts, keep writing more thoughts, more beautiful models, and doing absolutely nothing after that.
He says I kept playing for almost a year with consuming this Netflix of videos and calls, and writing myself notebooks of thoughts and keep checking with myself whether I feel like the thought makes me want to feel like writing, feel like staying on protocol, and feel like not giving in to the urge to overspend.

I get where he comes from. In his mind this is the worst return on the investment we’ve made in a self-development membership.
While I may not like his usage of words like ‘masturbating with thoughts’ I can look at the metaphor and realize he is totally right.

So while at first I freaked out about what will happen if he will cancel SCS for me, I then realized that I will be fine. What I learned and watched are mine to keep. I could never go back to saying I don’t know why I overspend or overeat or not write.

I do feel though I need to be more doing and less busy with lists and lists of beautiful thoughts.
What would be my best next move?
As I keep making protocols for writing quota, food plan, and spending plan, and I do not follow through…