My dream of being a content creator was severely blocked by politics

I feel almost embarrassed to come here with this topic, yet I figured this is the SAFEST space for me in the world currently to ask about these topics.

So one of my dreams (as well as working on my coaching/MLM) is to be a semi-viral or at least decently known content creator/influencer that spreads positivity, possibility, and self-expression to the world. My main focus was Tik Tok.. to give context, I was basically putting most of my effort into Tik Tok as a platform since November of 2019. I have had steady growth on Tik Tok as a positive influencer/motivational speaker and reached almost 4,000 followers with more growth incoming. What I was planning on doing was building my conscious influencer brand on Tik Tok then using that attention equity to bring attention to all my other platforms and eventually my own blog and YouTube.

Donald Trump is deciding now to ban Tik Tok out of nowhere on executive order. To be brutally honest, I am heart broken by this. I have spent at least 1,000 hours researching this app and have made hundreds and hundreds of videos. I was starting to develop a community of people whom I was serving and impacting on my platform, and I really felt I was on the cusp of breakthrough with my brand here. I was finally finding a home for my content and online self-expression.

Now it’s being taken away from me. I feel angry. I also feel genuinely confused. I feel emotional and I want to cry. All day today I have been scrolling the app mindlessly trying to avoid my frustration, but now as I type this the tears are coming. There is part of me that feels like I am overreacting, but this is so real for me. I haven’t ever had as much fun content creating as I have since starting Tik Tok.

I feel almost a hatred and resentment for my president/country that I don’t want to have. I want to have compassion, but in this moment I can’t. So many of my favorite content creators too who have made a living on Tik Tok are seriously being impacted by this, and I’m not even “at their level” part of me feels wrong for being so frustrated.

I am having a lot come up for me now:

– Is this what I should be doing?
– What do I even want right now?
– I was just about to make it on here, and it’s being stolen from me.
– My freedom of speech is being breeched, and there is nothing I can do about it.
– I am angry at myself for every hesitating to post a video.
– I am angry at myself for not going harder on Tik Tok and taking the opportunity for granted.
– I am angry at people for ever letting the thought “I’m not as attractive as other creators” get in the way of my content creation.
– I just want to have a drink.

Part of me feels kind of.. idk pathetic for even talking about Tik Tok in a coaching investment like Scholars, but I don’t know where else to go. I am hurt.