I had a friend for several years. I ended the relationship over a year ago. It had always felt one-sided to me. I gave and she took. She was constantly wanting coaching through all of her relationships with men who treated her badly. She would come to my house with one or two bottles of wine, get drunk and then drunk text them. I am not much of a drinker so I would have a glass or two and then watch her get dumber by the minute.

She would call me when she was hurt or sick. (She crashed her motorcycle and ended up in the hospital with a horrible leg injury). I would go to her and take her whatever she needed…food, medicine, take her shopping, etc. It didn’t bother me for a long time until it did.

One day she was texting me while I was working. She had one boyfriend she really liked and was monogamous with but was thinking about taking a motorcycle trip with another guy who was “just a friend” but she was very attracted to . I got super annoyed at that moment and sent her a text, “I got nothing”. Meaning I have no opinion…do what you want. This pissed her off and she didn’t speak to me for weeks. I was relieved.

I sent her a text a few weeks later and asked her if she was mad. She sent me a scathing response about how horrible I was to say, “I got nothing”. I told her I didn’t want to argue about this through text and asked to meet in person to clean it up. She wouldn’t. (Very typical of her to not face difficult situations unless she hid behind a screen,) I snapped. I was all-of-the-sudden-DONE with her childish bullshit. I told her she just lost a really good friend.

Over the months, I became more and more relieved. I had not realized what a burden she was until she was gone. She reached out to me several months later and told me she missed me and wondered if we could talk about it. We got on the phone. She thought it was just a “girlfriend fight” and couldn’t figure out why I ended it. I explained my position. Nothing about her had changed and I decided I still was not interested in a friendship with her. I obviously have a manual for her.

This morning I got another Facebook message from her telling me she still misses me and thinks about me often. I think about her once in awhile, too. But there is more negative feelings than positive memories so I move along in my thoughts.

Part of me feels like I should respond to her message. Most of me doesn’t care. I feel like I should care.

C: K sent me a private message
T: I feel like I should care
F: Ambivalent
A: Write to you, do models, think about contacting her
R: Don’t know if I care enough

C: K sent me a private message
T: I don’t want the drama back in my life
F: Annoyed I have to deal with this again
A: Ponder our history
R: Don’t respond

C: K sent me a private message
T: We did have some good times
F: Less resistant. (Is that a feeling? lol)
A: Think about the good times we had
R: My brain cracked open a little bit to see my options

C: K sent me a private message
T: I could respond and maybe have a conversation again
F: Open a little
A: Give space to the idea of responding, not shut down
R: Room to choose

Thoughts? Thank you!