I have a question about triggers.  My ex-husband and his girlfriend really trigger me.  I feel completely fine and happy in my life in so many ways and then they come into my reality and I get taken out.  I can do thought downloads and Models for relief, but then I can get taken out again.

I get that it’s a sentence in my brain, but sometimes it feels impossible to get out of a spiral when I am in it.  I grew up with a model for a mother and a “modelizer” as a dad (he only dated models – even in his 60s!), and so I grew up with a ton of importance placed on appearance and I had a lot of insecurity around my appearance.  I never felt good enough or pretty enough… no diet can change your face.  So now, my ex-husband is dating a model… not just any model… a 5’11” supermodel.  It is obviously my work right?  I have to get ok with my ex (who used to tell me I was ugly – partly because I think he knew it was my biggest insecurity) leaving me for a supermodel.  I actually left him because he was abusive but he claims that he just got meaner and crueler so I would leave him because he couldn’t/wouldn’t leave, but he didn’t want to stay with someone so ugly, so he just got meaner and meaner.

Now…. the truth is that I am not ugly.  I am not a supermodel like she is though, and I feel ugly in comparison, but I am not ugly.  The jealousy and the comparison part is really challenging for me, and she also does things that I find very unethical (out of integrity), which compounds my negative feelings towards her and her spending time with my kids. She promised me not to post their images on social media and then posted pictures of my kids on her public modeling Instagram page.  She and my ex – in an effort to hurt me – pulled a Brangelina Vanity Fair type post of them all together as a happy family… He admitted attacking me with images of my own children felt like the most vicious thing he could do to me, and he was angry at me so he “made” her do it.

I know this all must sound so petty… it drives me crazy that I give them so much power and so much of my brain activity.  I want to feel good and empowered … I wish I could be ok around them but even the thought of them, or a picture of them, or the mention of them makes me feel like I have been punched in the stomach.  I want to take my power back.  I can get on a good track and then something happens… and I am down for the count again… face down in the mud 🙁

Help! Sometimes I literally call out – Brooke!!! Help!!!! Thank you:)