My ex is “winning” at the job ladder


My ex-husband works at the same academic institution as me and even though we are in different departments and he is still working in my field. It’s a small field and we are both fighting our way into the inner circle of faculty positions when we are both still in training. I just found out that he got his big paper accepted and that he is getting a promotion and at the same time the big ask I made in light of my recent publication acceptance was turned down. I’ve worked hard at staying in my business over the years that we have been divorced, but we still have joint custody of our son so there is some contact. I’m have a hard time not comparing his success and my failure and also with the reality that there may not be a permanent job for me. I would need to start looking outside of my institution and that would mean moving and taking my son away from his dad. I know I’m making all of this mean that I’m a failure, that I’m a terrible mom and person for putting my career ahead of my sons wants to stay close to his dad. I feel like I’m back in that manipulative relationship where he constantly pitted out career success against each other. I feel trapped with the idea that I want him to continue to succeed and allow him the opportunity to continue at this elite institution without having to compromise his newly earned job status to be with his son. I know it’s his decision, but I don’t want to force his hand out of vengeance or envy that he got what he wanted and I didn’t. There is a lot to unpack there, but should I start with my thoughts/feelings related to his success and my failure or with the idea that there is a “right” or “better” life for my son with respect to his dad? Then there is the thought that I’m slipping back into the “victim” where his actions (successes) cause my feelings of inadequacy. Thanks