My ex – the manual, unconditional love and legal obligations


I go in circles when I try to find away to unconditional love for my ex, and to release the manual I have for him. My ex signed an agreement in early 2016 to take action to cause the bank to release me from the mortgage on our house. He has told me on 14 separate occasions over the past 16 months that he was just talking to the bank and that I would be released from the mortgage “in a few days”. The bank told me recently that my ex has never spoken to them. They also told me that I can’t borrow money for my business while I continue to be liable on the mortgage. My lawyer told me that there is a lot of risk around me taking action to enforce the agreement and the proceedings could be costly.

My manual for ex says that he should comply with his legal obligations and that he should tell the truth and not lie to me. But (no surprise), he is not obeying my manual! He is being who he is. I know this, but I notice that I still feel helpless and angry. My brain really believes that he should do what he agreed to do, that he shouldn’t still be in a position to prevent me from borrowing. I want to love him unconditionally, as I know the anger hurts only me and not him, but each time I face the reality of not being able to borrow, I recycle back into anger and helplessness. Can you help me with my model? I’d like to get to a feeling of unconditional love.

Unintentional Thought Model
C. Ex not complying with legal obligation with result banks won’t lend to me
T. Ex should satisfy his legal obligations so that I can borrow
F Angry
A Consider risks and costs of legal action and fret when ex continues not to satisfy his legal obligations
R. Nothing is resolved and I still cannot borrow

Intentional Thought Model
C Same
T ???
F Unconditional love
A ???
R ???