I recently told my fiancé that I feel special as I know I’m the only one he calls babe. He then corrected me and told me that he has caught himself calling other females babe and then he catches it as he says he knows it can be misconstrued. He also says that he doesn’t see why I assign so much power to the word babe as he thinks society makes such a big deal of it and people should be able to call each other babes and it not be romantic relationship related. I do not understand his thoughts on this and when I bring it up he gets so upset. I explain that I don’t understand where this is coming from (his anger) as I’m remaining calm and I’m really curious to find out more on his thoughts on that. But he then shuts down and doesn’t want to talk about it more. I explained to him that I don’t want him to call other females babe or I’m walking away from this relationship as the only men I’ve heard call women babes while they are with someone else are players(men who sleep with every women who lets them while they are in a relationship with someone else). He then says he understands but he’s a nice guy. I told him he can still be a nice guy and not call other women babe. I feel so sad and it makes me want to sit down and cry that he calls other women babe and doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with it but acknowledged that he can see how it can be misconstrued. I fear I’m having a red flag shown from him that I was shown in all my past relationships where I was cheated on. Up until this point I trusted him 100%. He’s in nursing school and I understand that the majority of his peers are females and I am okay with that but I feel that he gets too friendly and doesn’t see why I’m upset. He told me all I want to do is tell him about my feelings and he doesn’t want to hear it because I don’t care about his. I explained to him I’m not sure what that means as I’m not mad at him just disappointed as I want to be the only female he calls babe. He says that he wouldn’t sleep with anyone else but due to my past experiences with other men I want to believe him but I don’t because I didn’t think he would call other women that. How can he say he can see how it can cause an issue to cause another female babe, but he also thinks that society puts too much power over the word babe. Those two statements to me contradict each other but when I told him I thought that he told me that I’m crazy. They don’t contradict each other I need to stop being jealous and work on my self esteem. I’ve been told that by the men who cheated on me in the past and it bothers me that he said the same exact thing. I’m worried. I don’t have proof he’s cheating but I’m worried because he flirts with other women but he doesn’t see it that way. He will laugh at all their stupid jokes that aren’t even funny. And he says that’s just the way he is and I need to get used to it. When I try to bring up that I don’t like it he tells me I’m jealous and I need to get over it. I recently looked at his texts and saw that one of his female classmates texted him: good talk the other morning. Love you. You’ve got this.
When I read that my heart felt like it fell into my chest. while I still don’t have proof he’s cheating And know that this girl likes him as more than a classmate but he doesn’t see it that way. I can’t bring it up to him without him once again saying that it’s my insecurities and jealousy again instead of what I believe are the facts. You’re being too nice to her and you need to back off. That doesn’t Mean you can’t talk to her but be mindful of the things you say. He never agrees with me about other females and he or them flirting. In the 7 years we have been together. I wish he would. But I don’t know how to get him to trust me when I say it’s getting to a place that can be dangerous (the relationship with him and his peer is getting to be more than friends and he needs to be cautious). I did have jealousy issues in the beginning as I’ve been cheated on in every relationship I’ve ever been in. I finally got to a place where I can trust him but him being honest with me and telling me he catches himself calling other females babe too has be feeling like I can’t trust him all the years I spent working on trusting him 100% went through the drain. I don’t want him to know I went through his phone so I don’t want to bring up that message or anything about it but I can imagine how that conversation would go. Am I worried over nothing or is there something there with him and other girls? I’m an introvert and I love to keep to myself. I spend my time exercising, learning about my health both physically and mentally. I’m okay not hanging out with others and I understand he thrives on it, so I do cut him slack up to a point as I do believe there is a difference between being friendly to someone and flirting with someone. We also don’t have sex that much anymore. I want to all the time but he hardly ever does and when we do he watches porn. It makes me feel like he doesn’t think I’m attractive. He’s not very affectionate and we hardly ever kiss, we never hold hands, we don’t go out for date nights as he says they are a waste of money that we don’t have. Even though I am an affectionate person I give him his space but I don’t feel like special to him and I want to be. Any advice you can give me?