My friend is upset and I feel guilty


At the weekend I was due to go on a trip, but I cancelled at last minute. Today a friend reached out wondering why he hadn’t heard from me since I’d been away. I told him that I had cancelled and been home for the last 4 days. He was offended and hurt that I hadn’t told him I was still at home. One of the reasons I hadn’t told him I was at home was because I thought he might want to meet up and he always drinks to excess when we are together and I invariably drink more than I had planned to. I didn’t tell him this. I told him I had been busy with work and family commitments (which is true, it’s just that I wanted to use what free time I had watching videos in scholars and doing thought work, not partying). From past conversations, I know that he is very sensitive and often feels disappointed and let down by friends. Now he is disappointed with me. I was thinking of reaching out to him again to explain and tell him the real reason I didn’t want to meet up. Then I realised that was an urge driven by my desire to avoid my feeling of guilt ie it was more about me relieving myself from unpleasant feelings than trying to help him with his. I understand that it is up to him to manage his emotions and his feeling of disappointment comes from HIS thought, but I still think that I have done something wrong and that I somehow owe him an explanation. When I examine that thought I don’t think I have done anything wrong, but I am extremely uncomfortable with the thought that he thinks I HAVE done something wrong. I guess I am just trying to manipulate his opinion. I’d appreciate some help sorting out my thoughts here please.