My husband

So. I am not okay with where things are at with my husband.
It isn’t the fairy tale.
(yes, I know I just said that)
And I have a lot of resentment.
I can’t see how to get from here to there.
There is valid reason for the resentment (of course, right 🙂 ?) (yes, I am poking fun at myself).
But to let go of that is really hard. Really hard.

Here are some steps I have taken

UM 1

C- Husband
T – Ugh.
F – Resentment
A – Wall
R – Ugh

IM – having myself feeling a little better – which is feeling connected but when I feel connected I also feel really sad. That is a step in the direction though I think. the thought is me talking to myself – nudging myself to feel more and to articulate the feeling
C- Husband
T- Feel my love, feel all of it
F – Connected while feeling gross and sad and sick to my stomach
A Less of a wall, more conversation happens naturally
R – it feels horrible but good in some weird way

Right after doing this. I am now feeling resentful (man how quick it comes back) that I have to do all the work.

UM 2
C- husband
T – I have to do all the work
F -resentful
A – stop doing the work
R – I feel gross and disconnected (f*ck)

IM 2

C- husband
T – this is for me
F – gross inside, but strangely powerful
A – more on purpose, creating connections with relationships that are more of a want match
R – Small feeling of good

Now having done that I feel selfish.

UM 3

C- husband
T- I feel selfish for taking care of my needs
F – a little shutdown
A – stop doing good work on myself
R – not as connected as I could be

IM 3

C- husband
T – selfish is actual self interest
F – more connected,
A – keep doing the want matches
R – more inner support for me.

Okay,….. now I am feeling better, but holy sh*t this is “hard”/”powerful”/”life altering”.

Here is a question…. there is something about forgiveness and boundaries that seems intertwined on some level – yes?