My husband says – I have now insulated myself, and put up a wall to protect myself.

With anything difficult or confrontational, or uncomfortable- My husband often says – now I am not going to let you step over me and I am going to put up a wall around me. He becomes aggressive and often can’t hear himself saying harsh things. When he is this mode, first I want to understand why does he do that and what is happening here?

And secondly how do I change this experience for myself? I feel like I am talking to a literal wall in that time.

I also feel like I offer him immense support and open conversation, but he cannot offer me the same. He doesn’t have enough patience or skill to hold the space for me.

I know I have full control on what I make it mean but it is not an experience I enjoy. I enjoy open communication but I am not sure how to tell him this. When I try to tell him this, he thinks I am trying to change him instead of myself. And fair enough!

This seems like the river of misery for me – what’s the cure?