My Husband Sucks

Good evening,

I need help with my Thought Download. I am all over the place. I have been married to my husband for fifteen years, and I am just over it. He has been the meanest, most domineering jerk for the whole time with some happy moments mixed in. For example, what prompted me to write this question. Last night I worked, and I became violently ill with a stomach bug. Of course, I worked through it because I always push through, but I texted him that I was feeling awful, and that I am barely making it through work. When I got home, he was still in bed, and had not even took the effort to get our kids ready for school, and the baby ready for daycare. I am literally on fumes at that point but I push through and get the kids ready for school, and the baby ready for daycare. I then ask him to please take the baby to daycare, but of course he does not. Some excuse about he needs to be home for a phone call. I take the baby to daycare, and I finally lay down to rest. He comes in a whole hour before I usually get up today to tell me that the house is a mess, and that the kids need to eat dinner. He starts in on me making me feel guilty that all of this things have not been done. I am still sleepy, and so weak I can barely stand up. I lay in bed, and I do not say anything, but I am fuming, and sad and overwhelmed.

C: I am married to my husband
T: I hate him, I hate being married to him. I have wasted my life. I can’t believe this is who I chose. We will never be right
F: Anger, Disgust, Powerless, Hopeless
A: Overeat, Scream at my children, Scream at my husband, Cry
R: 100 pounds overweight, Guilt that I cannot control my emotions

Please help with my thought download.