Circumstances: we were talking and my husband said sometimes he thinks he doesn’t stand up for himself and his need when it comes to sex and intimacy.
T: My husband doesn’t understand his own situation, he’s spending all this time thinking about himself and his needs and his problems and not realizing how poorly he relates to me and that that is the whole entire problem. For example, when he says this to me while not even looking at me, seeking connection, it makes me averse to being sexual or intimate with him.
F: Anger, frustration, hopeless, disconnected, disappointed, exhausted
A: Listen, try to be supportive by listening, try not to ‘take on his feelings’ or ‘spin any stories’, try to speak from my heart in a way I think he can hear, hide some portion of my feelings, make efforts to keep myself ‘together’
R: more of the same
When I read that through I can see that I probably do the exact same thing I am thinking about him. that leaves me in a bit of a quandary because I don’t feel safe to open up, ‘safe’ meaning my feelings won’t get understood and taken care of. I feel like I want to stay guarded. I also feel like I don’t know how to let down my guard. My guard helps me keep my emotions in check. I’m not sure how to move forward. I know I only have sovereignty over myself and I know I don’t want to get dragged into the mire. Is this about being willing to feel like shit? Maybe.