My manual on my daughter

I have have self coached and been coached on the fact that I have a manual for my 13 year old daughter. I am aware of the thoughts I used to have when she was shouting (“she is being hard work”, “she is so unpredictable”, “she has big emotions”…) and have worked on stopping wanting to control her actions so that I can feel better. I managed most of the time but if I react and get cross with her or shout too I then judge myself for days.

Unintentional model:
C- daughter shouts
T- She is such hard work
F- angry
A- Tell her to calm down, try to control her, say mean things to her…
R- I am hard work!

When this happens I then have a model when I judge myself which is hard to get out of.
Would being in a model like this help?
C- daughter shouts
T- She is just having an emotion
F- compassion
A- I don’t do anything, tell her this is such a feeling to process
R- I allow my emotion

Thank you!