I am currently working on not buffering with (not suitable) men and alcohol. I know that the only thing that I have to do is to feel my feeling instead of buffering, but every time that I get there, I decide to buffer instead.
So I guess that my current model is :
T: There’s a problem with me, I’m not worth a loving relationship
F: sad and lonely
A : buffering with wrong man and alcohol
R: heart broken, miserable and hangover.
I can see that I am trying to change my A line with willpower and trying to feel my feelings with my willpower, which does not work.
So I have thought about a model in which the Action line is to feel my feelings so that if I can generate the right thought, I will feel my feelings instead of buffering.
F: Powerful and confidant
A: feeling my feelings
R: Single but in control of my life and decisions
But there’s not thought that I can find that creates this. I have tried thoughts like « feeling my feelings will reduce the amount of suffering » « I can’t solve an internal problem with an external solution so the only thing that I can do to feel better is to feel my feelings » « feeling my feelings is not so painful » . But when I get to the moment when I make the decision, it does not work. Any advice ?
Thank you so much for your help !