Lii apologize in advance for this lengthy post.. i tried to get coached live because there was so much, however i wasn’t selected but i really want help on this so here it is, thank you!

i prepped my protocol food and felt really good about staying on track through my vacation.
then i forsook that prepped food by meal two into my vacation.
so the next morning, i ran some models on the thoughts/beliefs that were keeping me from sticking to protocol.
then i ran some models with how i wanted to feel (feelings that ultimately led to the action: sticking w/ protocol) and pinpointed the thoughts that would generate those feelings.
then i went to breakfast—i stuck with protocol and i went into observer mode to watch my thoughts. i was sad…soo sad. i was sad i wasn’t eating with my family. i was sad because the food looked and smelled so good and i was refusing it. and then my brain went here: if eating this way is making me feel sad, what makes me think i won’t be sad when i get to my goal weight? what do i know about weighing that?…nothing because i’ve never weighed that little before. so what if it sucks? what if i get there and i’m still sad? and all this restriction and work to allow urges and missing out on food with family is for nothing? *i still stuck to protocol*

i then ate my first meal at the time prescribed in my protocol.
in the car right after my meal, my 3 year old son was having a huge fit.
i self-coached myself so i could approach his needs from a place of love and it felt amazing
we arrived at our destination and he gave me the biggest hug and squeezed me for so long.
i felt so good and proud and here we were on vacation about to shop and this was amazing and i deserve a treat… boom. i ate off protocol.
this confused me so much so i did a lot of thinking about this day, and this is what i gathered:

event 1 at breakfast:
C: surrounded by food in buffet (that’s not part of protocol)
T: negative thoughts
F: doubtful/anxious
A: stick to protocol
R: progress to goal

event 2:
C: self-coached to manage frustration around son’s behavior
T: positive thoughts: i’m amazing, this coaching stuff is amazing, etc.
F: happy
A: eat off protocol
R: loss of progress towards goal

so questions:
1) did i run those models right?
2) why are my negative thoughts and feelings leading to desired action (sticking to protocol), while positive thoughts and feelings are leading to undesired action (eating off protocol)? because when i ran models before breakfast, it was the opposite–negative thoughts leading to eating off protocol and positive thoughts leading to sticking with protocol…. what am i missing here?
3) is the discomfort and doubts i was having at breakfast what brooke describes as the river of misery?
4) tips for navigating river of misery?

thanks for reading til the end!