My mom doesn’t love me

Here’s a model:

C: My mom
T: My mom doesn’t love me
F: Grief
A: I cry. I thought loop about all the ways she doesn’t show love. I show up trying to see if she’ll do something to show that she does love me, I’m distant.
R: I don’t see how my mom does love me?

I’m having a hard time letting go of this model. I think that if I think she does love me… I’ll be disappointed later. I’ll be nice to her and she doesn’t deserve it. I’ll not get what I want. I’ll end up doing things I don’t really want to do in order to please her, or to try to get her to do things for me that I want. She’ll get all the benefits of my thoughts and I won’t get any. It’s like I’d be changing my model for her.

I’m not sure what help I’d like – would like your thoughts on this in general.