My mom is a hoarder

My mom has been a hoarder all of my life. I never had friends over, never had a birthday party at my house, got picked up for school dances from my friends’ houses, blah, blah, blah. Victim mentality in full mode here. I know it. I believe that I am not good enough and have a fear that people will find out about the “real me.” The problem is I am still in a space that it feels so true to me still–as a grown woman with children of my own!

I am thinking about unconditional love and just coming to a space of love for her AND love for myself. I find myself being so irritated when I am with her because my base thought about her is: “She should be different.” (Which, in my model, results in : I should be different.)

I have been doing this work for over a year (in general, not just about this topic) and this is the thing that just feels like I can’t let it go. As the holidays approach, I will be seeing her more. I hate the person I am when she is around. Help!