I am feeling tempted to cut my mother out of my life. When I was younger, I used to think she was awesome and I was lucky because she was a lot younger and “more fun” than other moms. I got older and I started to dislike her. After learning The Model and about Manuals, I now feel indifferent towards her.
I’m feeling tempted to cut her out of my life. She doesn’t add much to it. If anything, I end up doing some thought work every once in a while over some one-off things she says and does. I really just don’t think it’s worth the energy. When I think about keeping her in my life, I don’t like my reasons. The reasons are usually based in people pleasing, with the thought “she’ll be sad if I cut her out”.
Although I really don’t like my reasons for keeping her around, I’m not sure I believe in my reasons for wanting to cut her out either. If I were truly indifferent towards her, why would I care so much? Perhaps I’m not indifferent?
I actually feel this way towards my dad too (they’re divorced). I also feel indifferent towards him. I never have to do thought work when it comes to our relationship. He is who his is and that’s that. I threw away his manual as a teenager over 10 years ago. If I were to cut him out of my life, I wouldn’t feel guilty. I don’t have an urge to cut him out though.
What’s the difference in these relationships I wonder?