My nanny of 3 years

I have always accepted my nanny as the perfect nanny for me and my family for 3 years. When she joined us, I didn’t allow a single negative belief around her. I wanted to love her because loving her meant loving for me. It was not intentional. It worked perfectly in my favour.

She asked me to give her a 4 months advanced salary because her kid had a suspected heart condition which she wanted to evaluate thoroughly, as her husband died young of a heart disease. I asked her how she will manage without the any money for the next 4 months,and she said that she doesn’t need any cash, as there is the pandemic and she is not planning for any travel or expense. Since that day my thoughts about her changed- she shouldn’t be asking for things which are not as per the contract. Now before the 4 months paid salary, she again asked an advance salary because she had no money to carry out her expenses. I had the thought- She shouldn’t go against her words of not needing any money. I am going for a 2 days staycation and she gets 2 days weekly off instead of the one day weekly off. I asked her to cover half the day, and she declined because she already had plans with her friends. I was immediately taken back- because she had made plans without knowing my shift which was unusual. She is instructed to take her weekly off when I have off from my work. My thought is – she is acting unusual and catching me by surprise. Today she said, she wishes to sponsor her own visa next year so that she can sponsor her kid to come and stay with her. She said she will continue to work for us but not be sponsored by us. This will save a lot of money for me but I no longer have a contract with her. It all becomes illegal against the law of the country.

All these circumstances are producing a lot of thought where I have reached the worst case scenario of being stuck with no nanny. I see myself in the painful journey from now till we stop working with each other.

C- Nanny said words- I need advance salary , I don’t need any more for next 4 months, ask for some more money in 2 months, she refused to cover me on the day i leave for my staycation, she says that she doesn’t want me as a sponsor a year later
T- I don’t want to lose her, I am losing her > F-sad
I don’t want to tolerate all this , she is taking advantage of me> angry
She shouldn’t behave unusual > victim
A- I withdraw from having a conversation with her, I get short on my conversations with her, I say things to hurt her which I would not say otherwise, I suspect her ignoring my child when she goes out to play, I suspect she wanting to resign, I fear being left without her and having to search and train another nanny all over again, I don’t defend her when my family says mean things about her, I bitch about her to my husband, I get overwhelmed with my jumpy kid, I shut down,
R- I lose my connection with my nanny today.

I want to think loving thoughts about her like I did for 3 years. She has loved my kid unconditionally for 3 years, and least I could repay her is by paying an advance salary. She miscalculated her expenses for 4 months and that is OK. I miscalculate money matters on so many occasions. She knew I was off the day of my staycation and hence made the plans. She did say that if required she will cancel it. It was me who got all weird about it with thoughts which were not serving me. My future plans don’t involve her and its ok for her to not involve me in her future plans.

I have an option to love her today because loving her means she doing loving things for me , which is AWESOME.

C- Nanny said words
T- I have the best nanny in the world
F- privileged
A- have regular conversations with her from a place of love, enquire about her son , enquire about her future plans, take accountability for saying things, ask for things which I need without dramatising it, be realistic about planning the immediate future which involves her
R- I get to have the best nanny experience

I have repeatedly used these words in the past- I have the best nanny in the world and I can relate to it. My mind wants to fear as a precaution, but I want to believe – NOTHING HAS GONE WRONG- I still have the best nanny in the world, which produces a sense of calm today. I want to go to the worst case scenario and I pull my mind back to today and now. I will handle tomorrow when it becomes today