My needy ego.

Hi Brooke,

I am interacting with my company’s CEO more and we just hired a new manager from outside the company as my department head. I am really excited about the new hire and I am happy that I have more exposure to the CEO. However, I have this annoying thought that keeps running in my head which is: “They don’t know how awesome I am.” see UIM below that is actually playing out in real life:

C: CEO and Dept Head
T: “They don’t know how awesome I am and how much I’ve earned the good reputation I have.”
F: Insecure
A: Do totally unnecessary side brags in conversations with them. Allude to any issues in projects I’ve worked on as “not my fault” and blame someone else. Respond to any comments that I perceive as “condescending” with a litany of my experience on the topic.
R: I don’t feel very awesome.

It is like I’m an ego maniac who is needy for approval… and that just makes me creepy. I also feel a bit closed to constructive feedback or that they may feel closed to giving it to me based on my creepy behavior outlined above. New people reviewing my work would provide such an amazing opportunity to grow so I really want to take advantage of this. Here’s my attempt at a IM:

C: CEO and Dept Head
T: “I am willing to learn how to do my job better”
F: Open
A: Ask for feedback. Don’t be a know it all.
R: I learn how to do my job better and add value to the team.

… and then my brain says, “But if you do that they won’t know now how awesome you are?!” …ugh so embarrassing to admit this.