So holy crap, here’s 2 things I’ve noticed first week of October’s program.

#1) There are downloads that have so much “negative” thought in them I understand why I’ve had periods of such unhappiness, stress and anxiety. This past week’s process has been like turning on the light in a house I thought already had the lights on and noticing how much is piled up around me. Then I noticed all the thoughts around this realization and where they were potentially taking me if I listened and let them run amuck. So stick with me here, Brooke. I’m cleaning it out, one choice / thought / realization / awakening at a time.

#2) My “positive” circumstances and thoughts are sometimes defensive measures against “negative” circumstances and thoughts.

Positive circumstance “I have ample food” is actually a way of defending against the fear/negative thought, “There but for the grace of God go I, I could lose anything at any moment and have nothing.” “I’m beautiful” is a defense against “Not pretty enough” or “Unlovable.” “I have a house” actually means “I’m not homeless.” None of them feel good and they all bind me up.

Here’s what I’ve done: I went through my positive everythings and internally noted which ones feel genuinely free and which feel closed. There’s also a great deal of sadness embedded in my “positive” thoughts. I’m wondering about going back to work with the thoughts / circumstances that are defending against something. I’m starting by physically marking them with a D (for defending) and letting that sit. “Huh, that’s not actually positive. It’s a negative slipping in there.”

Here’s 3 strategies I see to explore this. Don’t want to complicate it:
1) I can go through the three questions and decide to let them go. “Thank you for wanting to protect me. I don’t need you anymore. It’s time for you to go away.” This is me deciding – no more defensive energies close to me. This is a personal boundary for myself. Defensive isn’t one of my values, so I won’t allow it close to me. If it must exist it has to be over there. As soon as I notice one of these has gotten close to me, I say thank you, I don’t need you anymore. Good-bye.”
2) I can go to the actual negative thought and do a model to get an actual replacement thought.
3) I can take the thought and try looking at it with an actual energy of gratitude.
Comments / suggestions?