My siblings and I had a difficult relationship with our mother. It turns out that she has a paranoid personality disorder that was recognized a year before her dementia diagnosis.
I felt that my relationship with my mother was good but found her behavior annoying with what I understand now as paranoia. My sister feels like she totally lost out on a mother because of my mother’s behavior. She is still quite resentful towards my mother.
My sister pointed out to me a couple of times that she feels like I fulfill that mother figure in her life. I am happy to provide that for her. In fact, I make sure to I am available for her when she is going through a rough time…. In my mind a big sister kind of way.
My sister does not fulfill my want of a close sisterly relationship. I find her to be self centered and critical. I recognized this long ago and didn’t seek her out for that type of relationship. I often comment to my husband that I would steer clear of her if she wasn’t my sister. Instead, I have woman in my life that is super happy to fill the role of loving sister.
I find myself not sharing my dreams, desires or what I do during the day with my sister because if it is something that she doesn’t do or wants she disagrees, criticisms or challenges my thinking. To be clear, it is rare that she asks me about what is going on in my life. On occasion I do mention something personal to her, just to see her say something inappropriate and wonder what she thinks about to say such things.
I want to fulfill that close relationship role for her because she feels she missed out on that. Want/match she fulfills for me is that I want to be connected to my sibling that I grew up with and have a pleasant relationship. I feel love her and am proud of who she has become but I don’t want to discuss my life with her. I have a whole ecosystem that supports me.
My question is since the want/match is one sided, am I people pleasing her?