My sister

My sister and I were very close as kids and all the way up until I was about 21 or so (5 years ago). I’ve always felt mature for my age, but especially once I got older and into the professional world.

I don’t enjoy spending time with my sister much anymore. She seems emotionally immature to me, often acting like a child without realizing what she’s doing, playing the victim mindset, and doing things that in general just annoy me. I know these are all judgments about her and not facts, but when she visits, I show up in a way that’s not me. I am very sarcastic and rude when she is annoying me. It’s like I think I can bully the annoying things out of her. Then, I get self-critical of how I am behaving and end up trying to keep my mouth shut so I don’t hurt her feelings. Then I show up as a grump.

How can I start loving her unconditionally? It seems right now I have a lengthy manual of should and should nots that I really want her to follow!