My sister is an asshole. I don’t know how to move forward.


When I was 11 years old, my sister’s husband began grooming me for what would later become him molesting me when I was 16. My father died when I was 7. I had no one like my BIL. He was fun, he taught me how to drive a stick shift, how to fish for smelt, we went canoeing and swimming in the river. He was the big brother I never had. I loved him dearly. Then he molested me when I was 16. I was sick with guilt. It went on for 2 years.

After my sister divorced him (she never knew about it then), I went to therapy and found out it wasn’t my fault. Then I told her about it. She confronted him and he told her it was “more like an affair”. She believed him. For the next 30 years, she told everyone behind my back that I had an affair with her husband for 2 years. I never knew this. No one told me. I thought she loved me. Even though I always struggled with her ~ there was always an undercurrent of rage towards me that I ignored and enabled to keep the peace.

Three years ago we came to blows over another subject and I haven’t spoken to her since. A few days ago I reached out to see if there was an opening to work things out. I sent her an open-hearted, loving note asking if she was willing to talk to me about everything. She blasted me with rage and hate and accused me of having an affair with her ex-husband (AGAIN) along with many other imagined accusations. I have gone through every emotion and am so angry at myself for trying to reconnect with her. She is a horrible person and I gave her a platform to nail me to the wall, once again.

I don’t know how to let go of this. I am in agony. I have written many nasty letters back (without sending them). I want to blast her back. But I don’t want to get into a mud-slinging contest with a delusional bully and have this horrible situation continue.

I am extremely close to her oldest daughter and she is devastated by all of this.

How can I let go and move past this?