My sister is worthless


My dad is going through a medical situation that has involved hospitals, a failed surgery, and an upcoming one, etc. Both of my parents are aging and his two daughters live far from them. I live in a different country and my sister lives in a different city.

We were actually both visiting my parents this summer when my dad almost had a heart attack which was the first sign of what is going on. When that happened, I ACTED and my sister PARALYZED. Later, she spent the rest of the day in bed crying because I yelled at her and because she felt useless, which unfortunately I agree with.

After many models and understanding of the manual, and practicing feeling LOVE for her and also understanding her different circumstances, I have been trying to make peace with that. I will continue to ACT and just love her without expecting much from her. I just spent 10 days in Mexico with my parents, helping them through this difficult times, and all she has done was send heart emojis in social networks.

This is my model and I am having a hard time coming up with a useful thought to feel the love I want to feel for her.

C: I have an older sister, my dad’s first

UNINTENTIONAL
T: She is useless
F: resentful
A: I separate more and more from her, I treat her as useless
R: I don’t value her / I don’t see her worth

INTENTIONAL
T:
F: LOVE
A: I talk to her, share with her what’s going on, share my feelings with her and involve her
R: We get closer and I see her worth

One of my fears is that if I involve her, which is part of my actions in the intentional model, I might expect something.

In fact that did happen, I involved her asking her to do something I thought she was capable of doing. She did not do it and that made me even more resentful.

Please help me find a thought that will help me put that aside. It is a lot to deal with given my dad’s health to add on top of that this distancing with my sister.

Thank you.