Hi Brooke,
Im 57 and I have a sister 18 months older than me. I love her very much. We are very different in personality and lifestyles. She is not a drinker at all and I originally joined SCS for the OD program. I choose to keep my membership private with only a few select people I have told, and my sister is NOT one of them for some really good reasons. Here are just a few reasons why I have not shared my problems of any sort with her. My sister is the most loving person….but…. she is a hypocondriac, worries about our parents, my children, and me nonstop. She obsessess over everyones health and their potential health to the point that it gets really annoying to everyone. Many years ago I stupidly shared with her that I thought I had a Drinking problem and I joined AA. She agreed and was very supportive to the point I wish I never told her. Now I fast forward many years and have since stopped AA ( a long time ago). For me, I cannot buy into the 12 steps. Without too much detail, when she questioned my choice of not attending AA and how I started drinking I told her I did not fit their mold and didnt see myself as having a problem ( I told her I didnt have a problem to shut her up or if I had allowed her into my real thoughts and worries she would hounded me nonstop). She still periodically asks me how Im doing with drinking. I see my sister at a lot of family social gatherings. Anyway, I have always felt uncomfortable around her while drinking since before announcing I thought I may have a problem to today 10 years later as I have continued to drink. For this reason I do not like spending time with her because I feel uncomfortable in her presence especially while drinking. I see she watches me and my drinking. Yes, my thoughts create myself to feel unconfortable but that is due to the circumstance of MY SISTER scrutinizing my every move and sip. This weekend I went out of my comfort zone and went on a Short vacation with her, her husband, and my husband. I can have fun with her occassionally together but thats only when alcohol is not in the picture. Though I decided to act as I wanted in terms of when and how much I drank, I could still “see her wheels turning” and her looks of worry. Well the weekend went as well as expected. Ill say before we went away my husband and I both said, either during or after the trip she would have sonething to say about her concerns for my drinking. Well I was home less than a day when I got the typical email from her stating she was writing this to me because she loves me and she could not stop thinking about my drinking and if she did not let me know she would not be a loving and responsible sister. She also took the liberty to tell me she knows how I really feel about my drinking and she wants to help me !! I was furious with her and let her know this is why I am not comfortable around her and I knew the weekend would end up with this outcome. This turned into a huge argument with me right or wrong pointing out her issues of hypocobdria and how that spills onto everyone else and what she thinks is right or wrong with their health. I also pointed out that I did not ask or discuss her issues about being 75 pounds over weight and if this was not a problem she would be a size 6. It got mean and ugly mostly on my end but she has a knack of turning arguments into it being about “how I really feel about her” and that I am attacking and cruel. I asked her, “ what did she think my reaction or response was going to be after getting the email that I drink too much?” She said if I had just responded with “thank you for your concern but its not an issue” then that would have been the end. HAHAHAHAHA. That is the farthest thing from the truth as I know my sister. She would have never let this go. The next day she texted me “ where do we go from here?” I told her to move on and let me lead my life as I choose as I dont tell her how to live her’s. She said, “ok”. She also expressed that at first she was going to discuss her problem with my drinking problem with my husband first but thought that wrong. I responded to her next, “what? is next an intervention?” I also had to be sure she was 100 percent truthful she didnt discuss with our 80 year old parents which she totally would have been in her past histories behavior. Did I mention my parent’s live behind me? Ugh! Sorry so long but here is the thing. Her actions result in my thoughts and feelings resulting in me being uncomfortable around her at family gatherings. I dont know how to get through this. I know I have a problem or I wouldnt be in SCS. I will not share this with her as I will not share anything that personal with her as I do not want to hear her obsessive concerns from my drinking to … scarcastically… “I hope the sun comes up tomorrow!
Please give me thoughts on how I can deal with me being uncomfortable around her and also I wish I could have a “normal” fun relationship with her. Not that this matters but my drinking is ONLY a problem because of how it affects my negative thoughts and feelings and it has never impossed a problem for me in any other way in terms of my physical saftey or others.
Thanks
RG