I was feeling stuck with this mornings Model work. I would of course appreciate any feedback given.
I teach adult students about medicinal plants/herbalism.
One of my students annoys me.
I then feel guilty for not liking her… like I’m a bad person for not liking her.
C: Student name
T: I don’t like her
A: My stomach feels yuck, heavy pit in my stomach. I talk about her to a couple of my family members, justifying my annoyance, but also feeling guilty about feeling annoyed by her. I am short with her. I ruminate on the past about her instead of looking to my own future… or I imagine my future as her teacher being annoying. I don’t give her the unconditional love, support and mentoring I feel like I should. I’m just trying to “get through this” (last 8 weeks of class). I do not look forward to our class. I don’t prepare the way I think I should for our class.
R: I don’t want to be her teacher or mentor (still feel guilty because she is a good person and I’m being immature)
I “try” to fill out the INtentional Model, but get stuck at her name. (I realize right now maybe I should do an UNintentional Model about each of the behaviors that annoyed me to make Model work easier and more specific… I’ll do that after this).
But before that realization, I went back over My Standards and a new more positive, more supportive (for myself and her) string of thoughts started coming forward.
I can tell myself anything, believe anything that is in alignment with my Standards for what I want MY life to say and what I want MY life to be!?!
Part of why I was feeling stuck is because I was attached to “being right” about why I was annoyed AND because I felt guilty about being annoyed and I don’t want to feel guilty so I want to RUSH to another thought that erases my annoyed feeling AND my guilty feeling. I wasn’t willing to sit with the feeling of guilt or annoyance.
OMG! Self Coaching is SO illuminating! AND this entire process has reminded of why I teach what I teach and strengthened my focus on the incredible value I bring to my students and everyone they’ll ever meet.
C: Student name (next time I’ll be more specific about neutral C)
T: One of the standards I have chosen for my life is to embrace ALL humanness. My student is a fellow human doing the very best she can. I am doing the very best I can. I can ask myself how I can better support her needs and add value to the class as a whole.
F: Lit up
A: Research. Focus. Prepare awesomeness. Teach with my typical fire 😉
R: Excited to experience humanness in class… ask my students what they think they need from me and make my own decisions.
Thank you for your support <3