As a result of doing thought downloads I realized that often my thoughts don’t take the form of words or my inner voice. They are more like a movie where I imagine future scenarios/conversations, and the various turns they could take.

For example, I have a big meeting coming up next week with a senior person who tends to be difficult. In my head I see us meeting, and what they might say about my work. My body feels the emotion, I play through how I might respond. Then the reel plays again but with the person saying different words. Again I feel the feeling and think about how I would respond. This can go on, involuntarily, through 3-4 different cycles, bringing up a range of emotions and responses, some positive, some negative. And they’re conversations that are only happening in my head.

Upon reflection, this typically doesn’t happen with things I am excited about (although it does sometimes), but seems to be a manifestation of anxiety. Do I start my model around the anxiety? Start it around one of the imaginary conversations as if it really happened/were a circumstance? Do models with each of the emotions in the “film in my head”? Let this go as an urge, realizing that this is my brain dealing with anxiety? Meditate it away?? (I’m half joking there.). But I am really not sure how to deal with these “thoughts”, and whether or not they are serving me.