My two working areas

So last week I was at my friends house and she told me about her and her boyfriend planning a trip to Ireland and that they went to a travel agency.

When she told me the price I was like that’s too expensive. And as I worked at a travel agency once I offer a service that I look everything up online and make an offer for them. So I told them I could do that.

Which I did. I love doing it. And she asked if she had to pay something but as she is a friend I told her its okay, she can give me whatever she wants. But she didn’t react to it.

So I felt regret, anger and also envious

Here is my model

C: I looked up hotels and a road trip and made an offer for my friend and her boyfriend and there was no payment in exchange

T: I could have received something or money for my work. Now she’s happy with him and I don’t get any of it (no credit)

F: regret, anger and envy

A: acting obtrusive to get the money and credit

R: ruining a friendship

So I know these are two different thoughts but I noticed that I have to work on these two areas/thoughts:
1. I have a hard time being generous. I’m always thinking about me and how I can make as much as money as I can. Not that I am rich. i just don’t want to spend any necessary money on things or wasting doing things and not getting money, because I always think what I could do with that money instead. Another example was yesterday with my mom with whom I didn’t have any contact for 10yrs. We were having dinner and then the waiter came and we wanted to pay and he made one bill, so i payed it. I was so annoyed because i have a clear budget plan as i move out and also begin my study. I live saving money for something!! But in some unexpected social events i have to pay more than expected and that annoys me. Another example is that I want as many presents as I can get for my birthday. For me, in my mind my birthday is like a business transaction. I want to profit. I’m a little bit ashamed of it. But I can’t help it. The only people who I’m willing to let go of the money is my boyfriend, my dad and my grandma.

I’m really good at saving money and buying things I really want with it so didn’t think I had any issue with money but since I joined SCS I think I do haha.

2. Second thing is that I always want to have credit for happiness of others. I don’t like others being happy without me. Or that they have something and I don’t.
does that make sense?

I noticed my brain go really anxious and envious when people are happier than me especially when I think I’m not as happy as they are.

I would love to hear your thoughts and help on this! 🙂