My value comes from giving it away for free


I have a pattern of showing up and pouring my energy into helping/supporting my family members, my friends, online communities, even in my housing complex. Many of these situations have become unpaid part- or full-time jobs. I have often done this at the expense of my personal self-care and earning potential. Eventually I resent these people and situations because of the lack of reciprocity.

This is a biggie for me and it is starting to show up in my coaching practice that I started in April 2021. I decided to start by coaching ten people for free for six weeks. I have three clients and I am getting wonderful feedback from them. My first client will finish his six weeks soon. I realize that I didn’t decide whether I would start charging clients once *all* of the ten people have finished their six weeks, or whether I would start charging clients after they have completed their free six-week program.

C charging for coaching services
T people in my life only want to be with me because of what I give them for free (this is a belief)
F insecure
look for evidence of my thought
base my self-worth on what I give in relationships
offer value to get evidence that I have value
don’t ask for anything in relationships
don’t expect anything in relationships
base relationships on giving people value
resent relationships for lack of reciprocity
contemplate ending relationships that are not reciprocal
tell myself that people wouldn’t want to coach with me if they had to pay
consider coaching people for free after the initial six-week free offer has ended
label people in my life as “takers”
label myself as a “giver”
do volunteer work when I don’t have enough money to support myself
take care of others when I am not taking care of myself
R My relationships are transactional and I undervalue myself and others

I would appreciate coaching on this model and how to work with the feeling of insecurity.