Name calling/negativity in personal relationship

I am looking for thoughts to think differently about what is being said to me and to explore some other thought options. I am clear that what is being said, and how it is said is not acceptable to me. I understand that I cannot change him or control what he says. But to be clear, we are not dealing here with ‘he did not put his socks away’ behavior, and the resulting feeling of ‘ annoyed.’

This is on a different scale. Like yelling, talking through, demanding, name calling, unfavorable comparisons. I am aware of the model, that the T is actually causing the feeling. So, the awareness is there. I know it is my T. I know that what he says and does reflects his thoughts, and that my T is what causes my feeling.

When and how do we decide to deal with the externals and simply remove ourselves from the equation? How do I model that to get clear on a decision?

Here’s a model when he did not understand something—What suggestions do you have for this model below? Any other thoughts for the T-line that you may suggest?
C: He said” I only did not understand because you were being so strident.”
T: I decide what I accept as truth about myself
F: Strong
A: I take care of what I need to; continue to enjoy what I want to. I don’t take things personal.
R: I have my own back, take care of myself.