Working through my habit of judging others and myself. Specifically I have a client I perceive to be a narcissist and find very difficult to work with. He cannot listen, does not take input, demands adoration, sucks up every one’s time (see how upset I’m getting? Want to stop that!). I no longer refer any of my business connections to him because I’ve spent so many years developing these awesome relationships – and this client ends up upsetting them every time. Example: He talks to every sales person who calls (who does that? Or has time to?) and ends up spending years(literally in some cases….but mostly just days or months) negotiating with them, positioning them to cater to him, and then he either never makes a decision or he just says no. He’s not interested in what they have to offer, he just appears to love the attention. In equal parts he is dismissive of anyone else and their feelings. If you had a short interaction you would find him charming. Soon you realize he’s finely honed the appearance of listening, when in fact he actually never hears a word you say.

So I chose to do a model on a circumstance that happened last night. And I got stuck….I could only complete part of my intentional model and it still felt like judgement. Can you help? I really feel this process of judging is harming me and I need to shut it down. Here they are:

Actual Model:
C: Client emails me after 8pm wondering why he has not seen any recent reviews from his patients? What’s going on?
T: What a narcissist! I just showed him how to locate these last week!
F: Annoyed
A: Respond to him with directions again on how to locate these on his website
R: Another response from him asking if I think enough people will see them in that location?….more back and forth and I’m more annoyed

Intentional Model:

C: Same
T: He must feel a lot of insecurities
F: Compassion

I get stuck here. Feels like I’m still judging him. I dread our interactions.

I feel there is a theme here that I can’t quite grasp.. Help! Thanks, Kris