My mother is a narcissist. For many many years, she abused me both verbally, emotionally and at times even physically.  As I have gotten older and through lots of coaching and therapy I have decided that not having her in my life is what works best for me and I like my reasons for it.  This has worked great and for the last 3 years or so I have had little to no contact with her, occasionally sending her ‘happy birthday’ when her birthday comes around. I work best when it’s like this, and honestly have had no mind drama about not contacting her/having limited contact.

The thing is, I’m very close with my dad. He is still with her due to financial reasons (otherwise he would have long left her). He knows how manipulative she is.  10 years ago both my parents (they each paid 50% ) bought me a car but put it under their company name for tax reasons. I have been responsible for the car, paying all of its premiums etc. My car is now getting old, so I plan on trading it in. I asked my dad if I can sell the car. He said he gives me permission, and I must just confirm with my mum to get all the documents (my dad has limited English capabilities, so my mom does all of his paperwork etc.)

He then spoke to my mom who said that I must contact her and tell her what documentation I need. I called my dad and she answered. I was taken back, but we had a nice brief conversation of me checking in with her. She started to ask me about my one cousin and his business and finances (whom she is not in contact with). After we chatted, I sent her the documentation requirements and she said she will get them to me today. Our conversation was all on loudspeaker, and my husband was in the same room as me listening in on our conversation

This morning I got a raging phone call from my dad. He was screaming at me and swearing at me and calling me horrid names. My mother had told him that I apparently had told her on our call yesterday that she should leave him and that her ex husband was better off. She also said that I bought up my cousin, and said that he agrees with me and that she should leave him and that he is the worst husband ever. She said that I said I wished my father was her ex husband and marrying my dad was her biggest mistake of her life.

I am lost for words. THIS IS A TOTAL LIE. I WOULD NEVER AND DID NOT SAY THAT. The conversation was not even on this topic, and this is 100% fabricated in every way. I love my dad deeply. We are in regular contact and I check in on him daily. My husband took the phone and told my dad that he can vouch that I never said anything like that.

My dad realized that she had lied to him and confronted her about it and told her to leave me alone. She then called me and told me I will never get the documentation to sell my car and that I have disrespected her and that it will never happen. She said I always bring chaos and trouble in her life, and that this is all my fault. She called me a liar and said that I manipulated my dad into believing me. When I asked her why I would say those things/bring them up, she even admitted to me on the phone that she made it up but that there is no proof.

My dad tells me that I should come in, apologize to her and make peace just so that I can get the documents for my car. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M APOLOGIZING FOR as I cannot apologize for something that I didn’t do/say. Furthermore, my mother still probably won’t give me the documents to the car even if I were to hypothetically apologize.  I feel stuck. I need to sell this car, it’s costing me! I need to get a new car, but don’t have the documentation and she gatekeeps it.