Narrative about husband

I have this narrative that my husband is “not a real man” because real men provide lots of money and a feeling of protection. I don’t mind the idea of me making money but I have two children with special needs. I am doing an intensive therapy program with them. I want to be spending my time with them. I just feel so unprotected and provided for (a strong narrative from my youth). I feel like I will be a poor pauper until my kids are older and at school and I can build my business. I feel lots of anger and frustration towards him about it. We live with his mother right now, who has been really generous. I just feel trapped. Damned if I do damned if I don’t. Like I can’t have money, healing for my kids, and a relationship with my husband in which I admire him instead of resenting or belittling him.

I have a specific way I want to raise my kids and that way needs lots of money. I fear we will have no money until it is too late.

I see the victim mentality but I see that I also feel justified. Like he should step it up cause I’m working hard.

This is a decade long narrative and it needs to go.

How do I change the results of my life in the face of our current circumstances? Living conditions, money in the bank, children’s needs.