I need help filling in / working through the model

I am currently working as a temp in a secretarial position for a huge German firm in Stuttgart, Germany. I am South African, got married to a German gal and then moved here about 2 years ago on the pretence of „trying my luck“ work wise (my lovable, conservative parents don’t know about the marriage part). I still don’t have a „proper“ job (I have a degree in publishing) and have now resorted to doing anything that can earn me money.

So at the moment I am temping as a secretary. My current temp contract with this huge German firm ended 31 May, with the intention to renew it until end of June 2017. Once again (this has happened before at this firm) I have to take unpaid leave until such time that the request for extension has gone through the rigorous internal approval process with the works council, etc. This could take anything from 2 – 4 weeks.

On my last day at work last week (31 May) I was in the office until about 9pm, furiously trying to get through my hideously long list of tasks. Several tasks I was not able to do, mostly stuff that can be dealt with on my return. Although on the one hand I enjoy the working environment, on the other hand I feel that I take long to get things done – I think because I had to jump and swim…. i.e. with little or no training on how to use the many systems or processes. Of the 2 secretaries on the same floor as me, one is very moody and bitchy (Miss Bitchy) so I try avoid asking her for help, the other is always “so busy” (Miss I-Get-Everything-Done-On-Time)I try not to ask her questions either.

My boss called me on 1 June, cross about me not having completed an urgent task and also not having done a proper handover.

I was called again later – one of the 3 laptops I had to prep for new colleagues, was missing…

I did not complete an urgent task and didn’t do a proper handover before going on leave. (I’ll focus on that for this model, although there are many more models for me to tackle in this story)

Everyone at work hates me, because I cannot do my work properly. I am incompetent. I should have just done a handover with Miss Bitchy instead of avoiding her. I will never cope in this super efficient German working world.

Fear – fear of rejection; fear of failure; fear of bitchiness upon my return; fear of my temp contract not being extended at all. Shame for not doing my job well. Disappointment in myself.

Avoiding colleagues (no email contact), withdrawal from other people/not wanting to socialize, fear of asking Miss Bitchy for my timesheet via email, which I am now also late in submitting to the temp agency.

This is where I am getting stuck…

I don’t mind you using my example to coach others, as long as the part about me being married can be excluded when telling other scholars. ☺