Need help out of this mess of thoughts


I have wanted to start a business for years and have taken some action in fits and starts but nothing has ever stuck long term. This is part of why I joined Scholars. I also joined Scholars to work on weight loss. I realized two things tonight but will ask about one right now.

I have this convoluted series of thoughts about when I “get” to start a business, because my husband is not supportive of the idea. We both have secure employment as teachers and make relatively good money especially when both our earnings are pooled into the household. So I realized I have created in my mind a whole series of prerequisites to being able to start a business. Another layer, if it’s important, is that the business I want to do isn’t totally clear to me yet. But something flexible, that allows me to connect others with each other, and that allows people to talk about real stuff – maybe coaching, maybe not.

I realize the following sounds ridiculous, but this is the confusing web I’ve spun for myself, and I don’t know how to get out of it.

So the overarching thought is that because my husband wouldn’t want me doing this at all, therefore I have to pull my weight by only leaving my FT job to work in my business once I make the same amount of $$ in that business as I make in my FT job ($80K). I must start earning this additional money WHILE working FT, and THEN I can quit. So thus I must do each of the seemingly insurmountable steps.

1. I must open space in my existing life in order to work on earning this replacement money. Feels so hard bc: TEACHER, 2 small children, household, sleep, etc. Have been working on this for nine months through a teacher efficiency membership site and I even picked my September Scholars goal largely due to the idea of work hard now so I can gain time later.

2. Once I’m successful at #1, then I have to actually make some money in this sliver of a space, but I don’t feel I could actually start up the business I desire in these few hours, so then I get sidetracked into get-rich-quick ideas like print-on-demand t-shirts that have a promise of a little work and a lot of income (except you have to actually do a lot of work to make a lot of income doing this, turns out, plus it’s not that interesting to me, so, fizzle fizzle). Plus, why wouldn’t I then just use this time to work on the ACTUAL business I want to get into?

3. THEN, IF I can do #1 and #2, IF I quit my FT job BEFORE I am making the $80K from #2, I have to balance the budget so that me being out of teaching costs the household nothing. For example, I was about to launch into a whole exploration of how can I quit next year and keep my daughter home half a day and put her in preschool the other half of the day, my story being that of course I wouldn’t be able to keep her in full time daycare because that would be way too expensive if I’m not working.

4. If I can do #1, #2, and #3, THEN I will have the time, space, mental energy, etc. to actually work toward having the business I want. I will have “earned” that privilege.

Holy hell! No wonder I get no traction toward a business! All of this feels impossible, so negative, I know there is so much here I need to look at but I am lost. Where should I start to untangle this morass of thoughts?