Dear……..

I wanted to run this past you since I was not called on two times once on the regular live call and today on the VIP call. Here is the problem and thoughts I am dealing with lately and may have to make a decision in a day or two– I’m going to bullet point to past references to help you understand my dilemma now.
1. from 2008-20014 I created and grew a private kindergarten program from 7 children (one class) to 65 children and three classes.
2. probably some of the best years where I felt really good about myself (yet drinking was an issue then I just kept willingly ignored it)- reason I joined scholars and am doing well.
3. 2014 I left my job as a kindergarten teacher and head of the program to help my oldest daughter care for her new baby as she had to work two days a week and though I didn’t leave my job because I wasn’t enjoying it ; I left my job because I really wanted to help her (my decision)
4. since that time up till maybe a few months ago I was content with my decision.
5. lately I am feeling unfulfilled, lonely, bored and feel like life is passing me by.
6. I have discussed with you that I am not a huge social being but always live in fear that I will end up with no friends.
7. I’ve been thinking very recently about going back to work.
8. Tomorrow I have an opportunity (interview) with my past principle to work part-time as an ASSISTANT (NOT HEAD TEACHER) for a preschool class. I cannot do kindergarten, which is all I know and loved because I really don’t want to work 5 days a week and that is what is required.
So here is the problem:
I wanted to be coached today on how do I know if I want this job mainly because I have to really love doing it. Remember, this could be with 2,3, or 4 year olds and I have always been an academic type teacher. While I wasn’t coached today and someone else brought up the subject of boredom, I thought am I doing this strictly out of boredom or do I really want to be doing something part-time to enjoy and fill my days. Now if I take this job I really have to committ to it for one school year. “But what if I hate it?” “What if I don’t give it enough time (which I am usually so impulsive that I take the job and then can easily quit the job). I don’t want to do to this to the principle because she has been an acquaintance/friend for 30 years and means business when it comes to her school and I would not want to deal with all the feelings of disappointing her and myself.
At one time I would have had to be the head chief at anything I chose to do and respected and admired for my accomplishments at being excellent at my job- and I clearly was by my peers and the parents. Now I’m not feeling like I have to prove anything to anyone in a job but rather want to enrich my day to day life and enjoy what I do and maybe it would lead to bigger and better things (since I already have had a great reputation at this school).
After listening to this call on boredom, I started to think, “Am I doing this out of boredom and I need to learn to be alone with myself and it be okay.” or “I’m ready for something new to fill part of my life?” All my friends think I would be crazy to go and do this because “Why would I want to?” That is not swaying me in my decision because I recognize I’m different from them in that they all love to be social.
For a few weeks now when thinking of this I have concluded, “No, now is my time to be working on my eating and drinking and just concentrate on that since it has been such a problem and don’t go get a job you might hate. So from listening to that for a while; I have done that and I am good alone even though I do have many thoughts like: “My kids don’t need me anymore to help with my grandchildren.” “I have no life”, “life is going to pass by for me and I will be left even more emotionally bankrupt”.
So because this is somewhat imminent to take or not take this position which is open at this time, I need help deciding if I am doing this out of boredom which leads to depression and fears for my future, and what if I am stuck in a job I hate? or just go for the position because it might be what you need to feel better about myself and it could lead to things I might eventually rather be doing in the school. When I worked there in the past it was all about the challenge and proving something to myself and others and now I just possibly want it because I won’t have the same pressure as an assistant and not head teacher and maybe I can learn this age group from the head teacher and possibly love it and next year be hired as a head teacher and feel excited and confident. The main thing is “What if I hate it?” Yes, I can quit, but I rather not do that to my friend (principal) or mostly myself because I will feel failure. I know this is a lot to read. My interview in tomorrow, Tuesday at 4:00 EST.
I would appreciate any input.