Need help with managing the thoughts about my husband and the manual I have for him

I am very disappointed in the results my husband has created in his life.

Seven years ago my husband said he wanted to go to law school. This is immediately after he was done with his undergrad. We had 1 child at the time.

I suggested for him to go get a job to get a taste of the field for his undergrad, and then he could get a law degree. He said no. He said he needed to do the law degree then, otherwise he probably would never do it. I agreed. I went and got a job to support him and us as a family through law school.

Fast forward 7 years later after law degree and 3 children…

He works a poor paying job. He is miserable and makes nowhere near what his law degree could earn him. I know because I make 50% more money than what he makes. No doctorate degree. He hates being an employee. He tells me he just can’t. He dreams of being his own boss but doesn’t follow through on his ideas. He complains to me everyday how miserable he is and asks me constantly what he should do with his life. I feel he gives me the responsibility to figure out for him. He doesn’t make enough money to cover our monthly expenses. He taps each month into our savings.

I am tired of this situation and mostly angry at the results he has gotten in providing for us after the law degree. I am mostly angry at his lack of action to change his current situation. He has been in this poor paying job for more than 2 years. I make it mean he doesn’t care. He says he cares. He says he wants a great future, and he wants to provide for us. His actions say otherwise.

It gets under my nerves that he spends a significant amount of his time consuming materials… news, podcasts, and YouTube videos, and playing video games, not enough time towards changing his current situation or his current earnings.

I had a job. We had both incomes in a joint account and he always had a saying over my spending. I quit my job partially so he takes charge of providing for our family because I have always provided, and he has gotten lazy. He told me he is not successful because of me. I know I have always covered his back when it comes to providing and I do it because I see no hope of being provided the way I want. I don’t trust he will ever provide for us. I feel I created the laziness.

He believes “taking care of the children is my responsibility.” I agree it is my main responsibility. I fully take care of them, but I also feel a need to make money since we don’t cover our monthly expenses with his income.

2 years ago, when I was working, I hired a live-in nanny. Almost a year ago when I decided to quit my job, the nanny stayed with us for 6 extra months. He told me “figure out how to pay for the nanny since she is here to help you”. I made that mean the children care is not an “us” thing – it is a “me” responsibility. So on that note I said ok that should apply both ways. I take care of the children and you provide.

I recently got a job. I opened a new account to separate the money I earn. I do not contribute financially to the household expenses. I do take care of the children and pay someone to help me. He still makes the same money and continues to go through our investing money to cover for our monthly expenses.

He continues to ask what he should do with his life. He gets mad because I have no answer.

My answer is always get a job. He hates my answer and believes I do not understand him. I don’t. We are on a loop and it is affecting my marriage. Please help.