Need help with thoughts about my house and my husband – this is a long one.


My husband and I moved ourselves and our kids out of our house in May of 2017 in order to do a major home renovation. My husband is a home builder and ran the project. He also planned to launch his own building company while our project was under construction as he had a client project coming online that would be his first on his own. So he quit his day job working for another builder because he hated it and felt it was harming his reputation. I supported him in doing whatever he needed to do to be happy and encouraged him to just quit his miserable job and focus on our project and launching his business (FYI, I joined scholars in July of this year, so … yeah … just explaining the thinking that led to my current circumstances).

Well, his client project didn’t come together until early 2019, and even then, the “wheels fell off” in May of this year and he’s now back to working for another builder (he’s trying to not hate it, really wants to work for himself, but I’ll leave that for another day). So, many of the funds we needed for our building project were diverted to cover his salary while he was waiting for another source of income. Consequently, we ran out of funds for our project before it was finished. My husband over spent on the project by about $55K, as well, which we borrowed from my dad in order to pay sub-contractors. I asked several times to see the budget for the project, but I never saw one. I know my husband created a budget for the bank, but he informed me that it wasn’t the “real” budget and my pushing him for the “real” budget caused strain in our relationship, so I dropped it. Since I was not involved in the specific spending decisions, I have allowed myself to feel victimized by this situation – the incomplete project, the extra debt, all of it. I could use some help improving my thinking about this.

We moved back into our house in October of 2018. Since then, I have experienced a lot of negative emotion about the unfinished state of our project. The yard is still not done – the ground is uneven with piles of debris in several places, those are now overgrown with weeds and grass, there are large panes of glass broken and stacked against the fence, even my husband’s old broken down motorcycle is getting overgrown with weeds. The inside of the house is also unfinished and we didn’t have funds to buy appliances, much less furniture. We have slowly been able to find and buy things like washer and dryer, stove, and some furnishings, but still don’t have a back-splash in the kitchen or a bathtub in the master bath, the stairs are bare boards with no finish on the flooring, the fireplace has no hearth or mantle, and the office is still piled with boxes of books and supplies because the desks and shelving have not been done. I have stopped asking about when and how things will get done because it causes a lot of conflict – we’ve started marriage counseling.

I am a business owner – an immigration attorney – and am working toward launching some new offerings that I hope will grow our income. I would love it if I could earn enough to handle everything and didn’t need to depend on hubby’s earnings. I suspect, though, that my thinking and emotions about my home (and my husband?) may be impacting my ability to create the abundance I want.

I was thrilled to see the October materials; I imagine they will really help me make progress with all of this. But if I could get a jump start with some suggestions, I would be so appreciative.