Need some help with a model


Okay. I have been working on handling my emotions around my husband. He makes decisions that affect my life and does not include me in the decision. I know I can’t control him but it still affects me and I get so hurt. Today we were on a bike ride with another couple and I find out that he has agreed to have his adult son here on the weekend. We just had a discussion that one of my “wants” was to be consulted as it affects me. Well, I am seeing he can’t or refuses to do this. I found it hard to feel anything positive as it feels so hurtful. I rode on my bike trying to process the feeling. Over and over. Tried to say to myself. You can’t control him and he is not willing to change. You are the one who is changing not him. But I just can’t find an intentional model. I don’t know how to modify it? As I can’t change the feeling of it being disrespectful.
C: husband says in front of other people a plan he made to have his son over that includes me but I don’t know
T: here we go again. I asked him to discuss this and he just won’t
F: disrespected
A: can’t look at him. Process the emotion of disrespect the whole rest of the bike ride. Ride feeling the emotion off and on. Can’t talk to him. Avoid him.
R: say nothing to him but allow myself to process the emotion. Decide how I am going to show up. Work through the emotions without getting into a battle. Know that I am capable of handling this emotion and that I have no control over his actions. I can chose a better way to deal with this.
Intentional model.
C: same

At this point, I had discussed that when plans are made for me without consulting me I feel disrespected. I asked for my husband’s behavior to change. This similar behavior has been going on for 20 years. It has led to fights so I feel that I am handling my emotions better but it is difficult when someone makes choices for your life without respecting the person the plans are being made with.

Help. I want to feel better. I sat with the emotion but I don’t know how many more years I can just sit with the feeling as respect is important to me.