Negative thoughts about husband

Hi, I’m finding myself focused on all of the negative things I’m thinking about my husband. He has so many great qualities as well that I love him for but I can’t stop hyper focusing on the things he doesn’t do that I wish he did and the things that he does do that I wish he didn’t.

I also feel resentment about the way he treated me badly in the past, the fact that he does not fight fair, has a hot temper and can be very manipulative and selfish. I feel like he takes me for granted often. I often think he and I just are not compatible because we are so different.  We can’t resolve anything when we fight.  We we try to work things out but we go in circles and it’s like we are speaking different languages.

I sometimes feel like life would be easier / I would be happier with someone who understood me more or someone more laid back and less difficult. I know intellectually that it is my thoughts causing my feelings of resentment and annoyance and I have a manual going on for him but I can’t seem to redirect my mind. I want to feel love towards him, I want to focus on the reasons why I want to be married to him and stop focusing on how I wish he was different. We have young kids and I want to model a happy relationship, I also want to be in a good/healthy relationship. How do I get there?