New love interest living with Ex


I recently met someone, neither of us was looking for a relationship but it became clear quite quickly that we liked each other a lot.

We spoke a reasonable amount (friendly flirting), and when it became apparent that we were starting to have feelings for each other he told me he was at the end of a relationship and he was still living in his house. (nothing had happened between us other than flirting for about 2months)

I told him to reach out to me when the ex has moved out as I wasn’t comfortable with the situation. Not long after, we started talking again, and we are back where we were.

I can’t seem to stay away from him. I have tried to ask him when she’s going and he keeps saying it’s complicated, she has nowhere to go and no money. He feels responsible for her, as she was in a really awful abusive relationship not very long ago.

I don’t push the point because I also feel bad about the situation. Also, his kids are very close to her and he hasn’t told them yet.

We met up last week and just went for a walk, it was great.

I had thought maybe after meeting and hanging out he might decide it was time to ask her to leave, but there’s been no mention and I haven’t asked again.

I think I’m not asking him again when she’s moving out because I don’t want to lose what we have, even if it is just basically someone I talk to on the phone each day.

It feels terrible because I feel like I’m second best, I always feel like men see me as a fun fling or a ‘nice idea’.

The closer we get, the more difficult I find it to deal with the fact he is living with another woman, and I feel bad for her too.

I would love to say, “If you haven’t decided a move out date in the next month, I’m walking away,” but I would be so heartbroken to walk away. So maybe I should just keep quiet and deal with it.

I’ve noticed everything in my head revolves around him, he’s carrying on with his life, running his business and I’m falling behind not setting up my business which means I can’t pay my bills. I’m always thinking about him. Right now, I think if it wasn’t him I would find another buffer (that’s not to say I don’t like him- I know I do).

My partner of 16 years and I broke up and I need to meet all of the bills and I am so scared.

Thanks coaches.